Dreams

I was talking with my sister-in-law yesterday about dreams. Not the kind you have when you sleep, but rather those desires you hold dear to your heart and sometimes far from reality. Everyone has an IDEAL life in mind for themselves 15 years out. What's yours?

When I think of mine, I think of people. Lots of people. I won't go into details because...well, that's scary. But I don't think of accomplishments or a job or a house or what kind of car we'll have...I just see faces and I see steaming coffee at a BIG kitchen table (not our 4-person baby table that is currently squeezed into our kitchen.) I see myself in a position to help and counsel lots of young women. I see Joaquim and I saying every day, "I'm not sure we can do this..." but giving, doing, and believing what God has told us.

I guess this thought was born out of reading the Boundless Webzine...(that's a magazine online, fyi. It's done by Focus on the Family and started as a resource for single 20-somethings, but is growing into something that applies to young married couples and young parents. Basically it's ideal insight for my generation.)

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001151.cfm - Quarantining a Generation
I've heard a lot about the problem of people my age just dropping out of church. And I do really understand why someone would stop going. It's hard work to get connected in this culture, because we are busy. We don't value each other enough, and we are far too distractable and need too much stimulation to think anything is worthwhile. Whatever happened to talking over coffee and getting to know someone? Those are the best moments. Be curious about someone's life and heart and ask them about themselves. LISTEN. Don't try and compare your life to theirs to have some common ground. That is NOT necessary and in fact can be detrimental to a conversation. Just look them in the eyes, and really listen. Then respond without using the word "I".

Another thought about the youth church culture. Man am I familiar with that. And I'd say 80% of the people I was in youth church with in highschool and college are now nowhere near church. But why? We had a coffee bar and screaming concerts on Friday nights?

"The cry of the emerging church is for relevancy. To keep young adults from slipping out the back never to return, churches believe they must compete with bars, coffee shops and nightclubs.

Jesus didn't try to compete with the culture. He loved people and He spoke the truth, and those were the qualities the masses responded to, not His showmanship. Expecting the church to be relevant to every age group at all times is unrealistic."

Here's the KEY: Love people and speak the truth.

A Conversation with a Friend...and a Discovery

Yesterday I had a chat with a friend of mine, whose name I have changed for her protection. :) But as we talked, I had a great "hindsight is 20/20" moment that I wanted to share....

Friend: What were you thinking when it started to come about with Joaquim?

me: hmm...I remember just thinking it was crazy

but I think each time i just did it and then realized later that I have no idea what happened

dating, engagement, marriage

all of them happened and then I turned around and was like "woah, what happened!"

Friend: I can see that.

I'm just afraid I'll make a mistake - or be one step ahead of or behind God - or push for something I want that's outside His will - or have my heart broken - or break someone's heart - or - or - or

me: yea you're thinking too much

haha

Friend: augh

again or still? :)

me: always

haha

Friend: In all honestly I'm not sure if I'm more afraid that "he" could be it or that it could be that it isn't him and I'm left with nothing but the continued wait

me: hmm

but you don't need to fear the wait

because God is in control of the wait

he invented it

and uses it often to teach us stubborn people really easy stuff ;)

when I started dating Joaquim, it was an easy decision because it had been SO long

Friend: SO long what?\

me: the way we talked for over a year

non-committal, confusion

lots of time with me on the couch, praying and journaling and seeking the Lord for 'what are you doing?'

and the message I kept getting was "wait. this is good."

after a whole year of God trimming me to be with this one man...

every other decision was just a "duh"

so don't fight the waiting

because it makes things easier in the long run

I think God changed me a lot in order to get me in the right position to receive him in my life, my family...

obviously He always knew who I would end up with, but I wasn't in the right position

like a baby when it's backwards haha

OBVIOUSLY it's gotta come out

Friend: haha

me: but sometimes the doctor needs to reach his own hands in and turn things around

and that's what that year was for me

Friend: wow

me: sharpening of my focus and my heart, my desires

and then on May 15, 2007, I just popped on out!

Friend: AH!

Happy birthday!

me: seemed easy, but it had been a year in the making haha

(of course I was totally oblivious to this for that year, keep in mind)

(and it felt like torture, not gentle hands slowly adjusting me)

so the BEST thing you can do is stay VERY VERY VERY close to God

and if every day He has his way with you

you will turn and lean just a little bit each day

and then finally...POP! out you'll go :)

and you won't have to look back once

Friend: hahaha, the first thought that popped into my head when I read that "stay very very very close to God" was : God if I do, can I keep him? (Meaning the guy). :)

me: haha

Friend: I realize that when I start to freak out is when I think I'm in control

Which is funny, cause that's where my ridiculous self tells me I want to be

But then I freak out.

You'd think I'd laern.

*learn

me: hahaha

nope we are very stupid, we humans ;)

Friend: yes, yes we are.

Stay close to God. Don't control. Stay close to God. Don't control.

:)

Got it

I think

me: and maybe you have to do that 20 times a day

haha

but you'll come out alright :)

next year perhaps :)

Friend: O

*Oy

Sometimes my perfectionistic mind tends to think that by my staying close to God He would "reward" me with "Mark"

me: hmm

Friend: But I know that Truth is that staying close to Him causes me to become who He needs me to be

It changes my mind, not His. :) Thank you for the shot of strength and encouragement, dear Christine.

I'll talk to you soon. Thanks again.

Arms locked!

me: locked and loaded! love you!

One Month...now where is Macaroni Grille?

Happy one month of marriage for me and Joaquim! Yesterday was the lovely anniversary...it's always funny to count months, but I'm sure we'll stop once we get to a year. Or maybe not.

We had big plans for our big day!

First I did laundry at my parents house before work, on lunch break, and after work. Yes, the washing machine in our apartment has been broken for 2 weeks and we had 3 weeks of laundry piled up. I did enough to last us till Monday when it will supposedly be fixed for real (although I don't believe much that I hear on this subject these days...) and there is still a small mountain of clothing in the corner of our bedroom. When I can finally tackle that, I will be the happiest woman in the world.

When I got home around 6, we chilled for a bit and then got ready to go to Macaroni Grille for dinner. We got a gift certificate there for our wedding and we were saving it for a special occasion. It had arrived! I googled restaurant locations and found one in Hoffman Estates that was about 30 minutes away and had us taking 90 west. Not really wanting to hop on that atrocious road at the tail end of rush hour, I kept looking and found one in Deerfield, 25 minutes away. Deerfield it was.

Joaquim took a shower and put on his strapping new sweater vest, which is probably the most adorable item of clothing he now owns. Love it. I touched up my makeup and put my hair up and off we went. Nearly half an hour later, we were arriving...and arriving...and suddenly...we were in Northbrook? Where was Macaroni Grille? Apparently it does not exist in that location.

Trying to still make the most out of a sour situation, we tried out Northbrook Court. I figured they'd have a Friday's or something where we could at least sit down and have a nice date out. Nothing. They had PF Changs (Joaquim detests Chinese food) and Subway. Seriously?

So...we went to the drive through McDonald's in Wheeling on our way home, watched House while eating french fries, and then had a piece of the top of our wedding cake (no way were we waiting a year! That thing would have been naaaaasty), which was delicious.

All in all, it was a fun evening. Not as fancy and romantic as planned, but it was fitting for the Fragosos. We do love McDonald's, and we also love House, and we like our couch and our living room. We chatted the whole hour drive, without distraction, and had a great conversation. We laughed a lot about our mishap, we cuddled on our couch, and went to sleep at a reasonable hour...it was a good night.

NEXT month we are going to Macaroni Grille for real.

Prayer requests:
- The check engine light in the camry came on again! It's an old car with almost 150,000 miles...and the only one we have. Still gets us from A to B, but feels a bit like it's teetering on the edge of the end of its life. Something needs to happen in this situation and only God knows what!
- Keep praying for Joaquim's work permit to come through in time. End of December, Lord?

Woodfield Mall

It had been quite a while since I had last meandered through Woodfield Mall. Joaquim and I went there last night and managed to do the unthinkable, the impossible, the miraculous....we left the mall with MORE money than when we arrived.

But I must say, it was difficult, humbling, and eye opening to walk through that place. We just had to return a duplicate gift from the wedding, and by the time we actually got to Crate & Barrel, I had absolutely no desire to browse and buy anything with our return money.

Why, you ask?

We parked by Macy's, so walking through that store was a little bit shocking. I haven't been an extravagant shopper for a while now (I remember how much I used to spend on clothes in high school...totally ridiculous!) so it's not like I was suddenly being confronted with department store price tags for the first time, but being married to Joaquim has definitely changed my outlook a little bit. He really needs some winter sweaters and a coat, which we will get soon...but he is so hesitant to spend money on clothes because it really is more of a luxury than he is used to, buying multiple items of clothing at one time. His mom would always give him a new outfit for Christmas/New years...and that's it. Random t-shirts here and there, but he never has gone and outfitted himself for a season before.

Seeing his heart, caring nothing about fashion but only about what would actually keep him warm, and his almost childlike innocence, thinking "do I really NEED that?" was convicting and humbling. How many times did I go shopping with my mom at places like The GAP, Express, H&M (although they're not ridiculously priced), and ask her to buy me things I didn't need? Thankfully my mom never let me get tons and tons of stuff, but I always left with a pretty heavy shopping bag. I realized last night that I also usually left those stores feeling unhappy, unsatisfied, and like my outfits weren't going to cut it. I always left looking at a mannequin and thinking "I wish I had THAT outfit..." I would walk past display windows and feel bad for myself because I didn't have that pair of $150 boots.

Last night in Macy's I saw a mother and daughter with their arms piled high with clothes. I saw very fashionably dressed middle aged women, browsing through name brand blouses. And I just felt sad for them. Now, I'm not saying that everyone who buys lots of clothes is this poor unhappy soul. If I had a million dollars, I would probably shop at Macy's a time or two. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it, or with going to the mall. But I just know that I left feeling sad, guilty for how much money we as a society spend on such stupid things, and I didn't even buy anything. I wonder if the girl with the ALDO bag who was on her way into Na Hoku jewelers felt the same way...

On our way home, we were listening to moody radio (I have officially turned into my parents, but let's not dwell on this subject...) and Dr. Dobson was interviewing Tony Dungee (coach of the superbowl winning Colts a few years ago). Tony Dungee is a Christian, and a pretty solid guy from what I heard. Dr. Dobson asked him about family, and why he thinks families are disintegrating more these days than they were 50 years ago. Tony Dungee's thoughts were fascinating. He said that fathers are less involved in this generation because their fathers had a mindset of merely "protect and provide". Most dads didn't spend quality time with their kids, they just worked hard to give them nice things and better opportunities than they had. For most, this didn't end up being a fair trade. Now parents still work their butts off, coming home late, having nannies pick their kids up from school, so they can buy them a car for their 16th birthday or get them a new video game system every Christmas, because they didn't have that when they were younger. But what happens when their kid drops out of school, and they didn't even realize there were problems?

All the parents dragging their kids to the mall and getting them everything they want are missing it. What children, teenagers, young adults, even old adults, need more than what they want is quality time with their family. Maybe not everyone I saw last night was merely in a frenzy of trying to satisfy themselves with cloth and leather and tags that say a name brand on them. But I'd bet most of them were...

I'm just gonna say...

God is good!

The week is going well...not too much to say, but I guess the name of the game is busy. We're looking for a balance I think. This weekend I feel like we bit off a bit more than we can chew. We're babysitting ALL day on Saturday from 7am until about 3pm. Then going straight to a wedding. We might be a bit sleepy at that reception haha. But it will be a fun time and great to see Suz and Travis get married! We have been blessed this month with a few babysitting opportunities, which we know is an answer to prayer - especially for Joaquim to be able to work in that capacity...even though it's kind of a girl thing! He loves kids, so it's been fun. And we aren't complaining about those open doors!

But man, I am going to miss my Saturday...

Last night was a lovely time at choir...we're getting more involved and meeting more people and it has just been lovely! Plus, I learned my lesson from a rushed dinner last week and decided to throw together a crock pot meal last night. Due to limited ingredients in my fridge, I just made chicken with tomato sauce and onions, and it was just lovely when we got home at 9:30. We got to choir a bit late, and had dinner at almost 10pm. Who am I? The wife of a Brazilian. Funny.

Well, hopefully this rainy evening will be full of REST. :)