A Conversation with a Friend...and a Discovery

Yesterday I had a chat with a friend of mine, whose name I have changed for her protection. :) But as we talked, I had a great "hindsight is 20/20" moment that I wanted to share....

Friend: What were you thinking when it started to come about with Joaquim?

me: hmm...I remember just thinking it was crazy

but I think each time i just did it and then realized later that I have no idea what happened

dating, engagement, marriage

all of them happened and then I turned around and was like "woah, what happened!"

Friend: I can see that.

I'm just afraid I'll make a mistake - or be one step ahead of or behind God - or push for something I want that's outside His will - or have my heart broken - or break someone's heart - or - or - or

me: yea you're thinking too much

haha

Friend: augh

again or still? :)

me: always

haha

Friend: In all honestly I'm not sure if I'm more afraid that "he" could be it or that it could be that it isn't him and I'm left with nothing but the continued wait

me: hmm

but you don't need to fear the wait

because God is in control of the wait

he invented it

and uses it often to teach us stubborn people really easy stuff ;)

when I started dating Joaquim, it was an easy decision because it had been SO long

Friend: SO long what?\

me: the way we talked for over a year

non-committal, confusion

lots of time with me on the couch, praying and journaling and seeking the Lord for 'what are you doing?'

and the message I kept getting was "wait. this is good."

after a whole year of God trimming me to be with this one man...

every other decision was just a "duh"

so don't fight the waiting

because it makes things easier in the long run

I think God changed me a lot in order to get me in the right position to receive him in my life, my family...

obviously He always knew who I would end up with, but I wasn't in the right position

like a baby when it's backwards haha

OBVIOUSLY it's gotta come out

Friend: haha

me: but sometimes the doctor needs to reach his own hands in and turn things around

and that's what that year was for me

Friend: wow

me: sharpening of my focus and my heart, my desires

and then on May 15, 2007, I just popped on out!

Friend: AH!

Happy birthday!

me: seemed easy, but it had been a year in the making haha

(of course I was totally oblivious to this for that year, keep in mind)

(and it felt like torture, not gentle hands slowly adjusting me)

so the BEST thing you can do is stay VERY VERY VERY close to God

and if every day He has his way with you

you will turn and lean just a little bit each day

and then finally...POP! out you'll go :)

and you won't have to look back once

Friend: hahaha, the first thought that popped into my head when I read that "stay very very very close to God" was : God if I do, can I keep him? (Meaning the guy). :)

me: haha

Friend: I realize that when I start to freak out is when I think I'm in control

Which is funny, cause that's where my ridiculous self tells me I want to be

But then I freak out.

You'd think I'd laern.

*learn

me: hahaha

nope we are very stupid, we humans ;)

Friend: yes, yes we are.

Stay close to God. Don't control. Stay close to God. Don't control.

:)

Got it

I think

me: and maybe you have to do that 20 times a day

haha

but you'll come out alright :)

next year perhaps :)

Friend: O

*Oy

Sometimes my perfectionistic mind tends to think that by my staying close to God He would "reward" me with "Mark"

me: hmm

Friend: But I know that Truth is that staying close to Him causes me to become who He needs me to be

It changes my mind, not His. :) Thank you for the shot of strength and encouragement, dear Christine.

I'll talk to you soon. Thanks again.

Arms locked!

me: locked and loaded! love you!